The government has launched a nationwide vaccination campaign for all livestock in the country against foot and mouth disease targeting cattle, sheep and goats (MyGov, February 4, p.1). If the campaign is “nationwide”, why do you again say “in the country”? It is vaccination of “all livestock”, do you need to say “targeting cattle, sheep and goats”?
Kagwe urged livestock keepers to present their animals for vaccination at designated centres across the country… Aargh, we heard you the first time. The vaccination is nationwide.
Police watchdog seeks more budgetary allocation by Parliament (MyGov, February 4, p.8). What is “budgetary allocation”? Money? Avoid jargon. Keep it simple.
Going forward, Migos noted that the ministry will follow up the matter by looking into what is needed to include school children from Taita Taveta into the programme (MyGov, February 4, p.10). Why does this fine sentence need that cliché, “going forward”?
Intro: Labour and Skills Development Principal Secretary Shadrack Mwadime has emphasised the importance of students selecting courses that enhance their employability (MyGov, February 4, p.12). Next: Speaking at the event, Mawadime highlighted…What event?
In October 2024, the government launched a national campaign to vaccinate livestock across the country against diseases affecting cattle and sheep (Star, February 4, p.10). Oya, it is a “national campaign”, why again say “across the country”?
The Teachers Service Commission (TSC) has effected transfers of field officers as it prepares for the appointment of a new chief executive officer in July (Nation, February 4, p.2). What has the transfer of TSC field officers got to do with Nancy Macharia’s succession? Story doesn’t say.
Teen succumbs after stabbing by police officer at Bondo hospital (Citizen Digital, February 4). Just say teen “dies”.
Former Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua has claimed that President William Ruto offered him KShs 2 billion to resign from his position (Citizen Digital, February 4). To resign, full stop.
In the afternoon of last Saturday, Mr Randu Kombe received a call from his son informing him that their school had been closed indefinitely (Nation, February 4, p.19). Manze, try “last Saturday afternoon” instead of “in the afternoon of last Saturday”. Which is more natural, less wordy?
Headline: Families search for loved ones as morgues fill with unknown bodies. Intro: Kenya’s public morgues are becoming overwhelmed not only with the tragic remnants of natural deaths and accidents but also with a disturbing rise in unidentified and unclaimed bodies (Standard, February 5, p.2). How many “overwhelmed” morgues in Kenya were visited for this full-page special report? Just one: City Mortuary.
Former Kiambu Governor Ferdinand Waititu has acquired a political party, raising questions over his eligibility to run such an outfit after being removed from office by way of impeachment (Nation, February 5, p.6). Did you know that “removed from office by way of impeachment” (seven words) means “impeached” (one word)?
