Police gun down dozens as protesters storm Parliament (People Daily, June 26, p.3).Intro: Scores of people were gunned down after hundreds of anti-Finance Bill protesters made good their threat to storm and occupy Parliament. So, how many protesters were killed? You can’t tell because neither “dozens” (in headline) nor “scores” (in intro) is a precise number. Accuracy is essential in journalism. Verify numbers. Don’t report until you do.
Police fired live bullets, killing an unknown number of people as MPs fled the rowdy mobs (Star, June 26, p.4). If the number of people killed is “unknown”, how do we even say anyone was killed at all? Verify. Count the bodies or quote an authoritative source.
At least 12 individuals have been abducted by state agents but sources say the interrogations have not yielded fruits (Nation, June 26, p.8). No, no, interrogations cannot yield “fruits”: maembe, tikiti maji, parachichi na khadhalika. Correct expression is yield “fruit”.
The application was opposed by defence lawyers Shadrack Wambui, Sam Nyaberi and Danstan Omari who told the court that there was nothing compelling to deny the suspects bail (Nation, June 25, p.3). Rewrite in active voice, starting with defence lawyers.
Protesters storm Kenyan Senate, vandalise chambers over Finance Bill 2023 (Capital FM headline, June 25). What bill? Accuracy, mtu wangu.
Churchill Show first premiered on NTV 17 years ago in 2007 airing 8-9pm on Sundays until 2018 when the show took a break (Nation, June 25, p.2). No need to write “first premiered”. Premiered is enough.
In the heart of Africa, where traditional cooking methods prevail, the issue of clean cooking is a major concern, with ramifications that extend far beyond the kitchen (DN2, Nation, June 25, p.2). Where is “the heart of Africa” exactly? DRC? Does this mean elsewhere on the continent traditional cooking methods are non-existent? That imagery adds no value.
Why more men than women commit suicide (Healthy Nation, June 25, p.7). Die by suicide, not “commit”. We’ve explained this before.
The head teachers said that secondary schools have existing infrastructure such as laboratories, unlike primary schools (Nation, June 25, p.32). If it is possible to cut out a word, always cut it. Like “existing” in this sentence.
Or “various” in this intro: Various schools countrywide have opted for early mid-term break in the wake of protests against the controversial Finance Bill (Standard, June 25, p.2).
