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Who needs fertiliser or safety prep for Haiti? Set up prayer committees

No voices. Total silence. People were watching endless loops of General Francis Ogolla’s state funeral on TV. Then, suddenly, a lone voice rang out.

“Why does every speaker acknowledge the First Lady when they stand up to speak? ‘Your Excellency the President…’ Then, ‘Your Excellency the First Lady.’ Standard protocol. Who elected her? What’s her office about?”

Silence. Nobody answered.

“Look,” the voice continued, “she accompanies the President to every state function. What torture! Poor lady! She sits there for hours. Doing nothing. Saying nothing. Surely, isn’t she just a flower girl?”

Oh, no. No way are our First Ladies just flower girls.

First, there’s actually a stipulation in the law of the land.

“Spouse of the President shall be referred to as ‘His Excellency the First Gentleman or Her Excellency the First Lady’”.

And “Spouse of the Deputy President shall be referred to as ‘His or Her Excellency’”.

Go look it up in “The Order of the Precedence and Titles Act, 2015”.

So, who are you to say the First Lady is a flower girl?

We have excellencied her. We put her on a pedestal, from where we do not expect her to disturb the peace. Or talk policy. Or, God forbid, politics.

Instead, we want our First Ladies to do only one thing, please. They should train the nation’s attention to the only thing that matters for a country: prayer.

Kenyan farmers being sold fake fertiliser? Nonsense!

Rachel Ruto: Ugandans Don’t Use Fertiliser, Their Land Is Fertile Because Of East African Revival Prayers”, said a headline on all Citizen news channels on April 16.

So, why are Kenyans making noise about fertiliser? Pray for soil fertility!

And what was all that noise about Haiti? That our gallant police officers would not survive the notorious gangs of Haiti?

Haiti’s murderous gangs routinely assassinate their prime ministers. Even the world’s only superpower, the United States, won’t go in to sort out the mess.

But do you want to know the simplest insurance that Kenya’s sons in uniform will swoop into Haiti, restore order, and come home unscathed?

Rachel Ruto Sets Up Committee To Pray For Kenyan Police Heading To Haiti”, said a Citizen Digital headline on March 26.

Prayer committees. Now, why hadn’t anybody thought about that!

The story said that the First Lady had “held discussions with members of the clergy in regards [sic] to Kenya’s impending deployment of troops to the Caribbean nation”.

That’s right. The outcome of this high-level discussion was “to establish a prayer committee for Kenyan police officers slated for deployment […] to troubled Haiti.”

Problem solved.

How dare you say the First Lady’s office is useless!

Dear scribes, please question the absurd. Thank you.

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