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School’s out, everyone run for your lives

School’s out, and gangs of fellows high on testosterone and oestrogen are home with a vengeance.

These are hard times – guys eat like famished elephants, fight like wild cats, and generally cause enough racket to make the devil flee.

Tissue papers whirl off the holders like the traditional record players – why – you can hear the whirl all the way from Timbuktu.

These are hard times. And the media needs to come to the rescue of parents and guardians.

For starters, this is the time to be extra careful with content. This is the time to remember and jealously guard two words – watershed hours. Hire more editors, double lock the watchmen on every media desk.

A story is told of a TV station that accidentally played porn during watershed hours. Nay, during a children programme.

Truth be told, these young animal machines do watch porn. Let the media not be the one to feed the carnal desires of adolescents on heat.

Number two, sprinkle the content with something useful; something that the youngsters can learn from.

Yes, we know that you are struggling with local content but this idea of loading your content with some music that can make the devil blush has to stop, particularly at this crucial time.

The Code of Conduct for journalists is clear on the kind of content that should go where and when.

Yes, it is even clear on the need to issue a warning before airing certain kind of content.

Yes, entertain but give them a serving of information too – they call it infotainment.

If you must show them fellows dancing half-nude to some raunchy lyrics, slip in some biology lesson. Heck, get the fellows to rap some physics!

For parents and guardians, you will be lucky if the house is still left standing by the time these fellows return to school.

But you must not expect the media to babysit for you. Of course, you should expect the TV remote to go missing now and then. Do not call the police. The fellows are simply trying to get you out of the way so they can watch their stuff.

We can assure you the stuff they want to watch is not the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ. If you doubt us, then you must be a Martian.

Martian or not, it is your duty to closely monitor the kind of media content these your fellows are consuming.

Should you feel that the content is not the kind that Jesus and his old man Joseph, and the long-suffering Mary would watch together, then flag it with the Media Council of Kenya.

In the meantime, we wish you all the best. You could set up a police post in the sitting room, and a fire department section in the kitchen.

Whatever you do, do not let the media mess up with these kids.

We leave you with Alice Cooper singing School’s out.

Well, we got no choice
All the girls and boys (girls and boys)
Making all that noise (ooh)
‘Cause they found new toys

We can’t salute ya
Can’t find a flag
If that don’t suit ya
That’s a drag

School’s out for summer
School’s out forever
I’m bored to pieces

Well, we got no class
And we got no principals (ooh)
And we got no intelligence
We can’t even think of a word that rhymes, well

We can’t salute ya
Can’t find a flag
If that don’t suit ya
That’s a drag

School’s out for summer
School’s out forever
I’m bored to pieces

No more pencils, no more books
No more teachers, dirty looks
Out for summer, out ’til fall
We might not come back at all

School’s out for summer (detention)
School’s out forever
School’s out with fever
School’s out completely
School’s out for summer

Good luck!

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