Love triangle possible cause for murder of Nyamira teacher, police say (Star online headline, January 2). Okay, and what do journalists say? Why not do a proper journalistic investigation instead of reproducing police speculations?
Two girls from same family were shot dead by suspected armed bandits in Kotut, Endo ward of Marakwet East constituency (Star online, January 2). What’s one word for two “girls from the same family” (five words)? Sisters.
Mwita was born a normal child, but one year later polio struck, and his legs were affected, leaving him with a disability that has not made him unable to carry out his daily chores, working as a consultant physician at Kiambu Level 5 hospital (Health & Science, Standard, January 2, p.3). Not made him unable is poor construction. Alafu from birth to consultant physician, writer is determined to tell entire story in the intro (44 words). Bad writing. Weave a story. Let your reader see, pause, think and feel what you are telling him or her.
Kitui Senator Enoch Wambua told Nation that their quest to have Mr Odinga pronounce himself on the coalition’s presidential candidate for 2027 is simply a reflection of the wishes of Wiper supporters and has nothing to do with Musyoka’s expected announcement (Nation, January 2, p.4). The phrase “pronounce himself on” sounds pretentious and unjournalistic. Write simply.
Three University of Nairobi students drown in Lake Victoria after their boat capsizes on New Year’s Eve. They are Mordecai Amaya, 25, Hezron Zavon, 22, and John Meraba, 22 (Nation, January 2, p.12). Two paras down: One of the students, Mordecai Amaya, was preparing to graduate with a doctorate in medicine and surgery after six years of study. Amaya is 25 years old, yeah? He started his “doctorate” six years ago aged 19. Possibly began undergraduate at 13 years, ama aje wakubwa?
On August 5, 2015, the mainstream social media were awash with news of a matatu that was intercepted by traffic police officers along Karatina-Nairobi road carrying intoxicated students (Standard, January 4, p.5). What’s “mainstream social media”? As distinct from what other breed of social media?
The Mt Kenya kingpin position is currently vacant after the exit of Uhuru Kenyatta from the presidency (Standard, January 4, p.10). Is this a fact or media hot air? Is there “Mt Kenya kingpin position”? Who created it, when, how and why? When was Uhuru installed in that “position”? In March 2021, then National Assembly Speaker Justin Muturi was enthroned as Mt Kenya spokesman in an elaborate liturgy. When did he relinquish the “position”?
Dr Namarome said while broiler chickens are supposed to be sold between 30 and 40 days, this is purely for economic reasons. After 40 days, the birds consume heavily, making the farmer’s life more expensive (Standard, January 4, p.15). Aje sasa? Kwani huyo farmer huwa on sale?
Almost a dozen smallholder tea factories are seeking to dispose off parcels of land acquired in the last one decade to produce wood fuel to power boilers (Standard, January 6, p.10). Almost a dozen? What’s so difficult about stating the exact number for accuracy and clarity?
