With about four months to elections, the political paradigms between the two presidential aspirants Deputy President William Ruto and ODM leader Raila Odinga are beginning to take shape (Standard, March 22, p.5). Says little. What are “political paradigms” that are “beginning to take shape”? Write concretely. Abstract language creates confusion, not clarity.
Former Attorney General Professor Githu Muigai has called out the Judiciary for erratic judicial jurisprudence (Standard, March 22, p.6). You got that?
The direct quote immediately after this intro did not help matters: “I have tried to persuade the Judiciary that we need a jurisprudence around electoral law that is functional. What is wrong with our electoral jurisprudence today coming from the Supreme Court is that it is inconsistent and populist,” said Muigai.
And then: He urged the Judiciary to give stability to electoral laws and protect the integrity of the judicial order. What was Prof going on and on about? It’s the journalist’s job to break down elite jargon to what a reader can understand.
Air pollution increases risk of diseases, research shows (Nation headline, March 21, p.2). Why was this news? Research? Every CBC Grade 1 kid knows it.
[Gatundu South MP] Kuria’s remark was meant to create hate and instill fear among sections of voters and deny them the freedom of choice. The likes of Kuria belong to the National Museum alongside homo habilis (Star editorial March 21, p.16). Not sure. Why does Lion Place believe the National Museums of Kenya is the place to store such extremely toxic specimens?
A city lawyer has questioned the decision by the Judicial Service Commission to advertise for vacancies while six are judges waiting to be sworn in (Star, March 22, p.8). Doesn’t make sense – all because the word “are” is misplaced. It should come after “judges”. Read again.
The Government of South Korea, through Korea Trade Investment and Promotion Agency (KTRA), has signed an Economic Innovation Partnership Programme (EIPP) deal with Konza Technopolis Development Authority (KoTDA) to establish a master plan for Konza Technopolis Smart City (MyGov, March 22, p.1). Wah! Worst intro of the year (so far). “The Government of South Korea” is simply South Korea, two words instead of five. Three acronyms/abbreviations are too many. They slow down reading. Write a simple, direct intro and give the rest of the details later.
MPs are rushing against time to amend electoral laws to provide for the physical delivery of election results in areas without network coverage, impose stricter rules on nominations to county assemblies and guarantee secrecy of campaign financing (Nation, March 23, p.4). The rejuvenated ruling party, which is led by President Uhuru Kenyatta, is racing against time in its quest to woo back defectors (p.5). Cliché.
Doctor narrates how he faked medical records (Standard headline, March 24, p.4). Photo caption: Dr Cliff Momanyi from Kisii Teaching and Referral Hospital testifies at Milimani court. Intro: A doctor has narrated how he faked medical records for Migori Governor Mr Okoth Obado’s personal assistant on the day the county chief’s girlfriend was murdered. Next para: Mr Cliff Momanyi, a clinical officer based at Kisii Teaching and Referral Hospital, presented copies of forged medical records in court. So, what’s Momanyi, doctor or clinician? The Standard doesn’t know the difference.
