An intro in a newspaper should be 34 words, max. Or you’ll lose most of the readers. Imagine the word count for radio or television!
No, don’t imagine. Hear this intro from a KTN story on September 29:
“[…] motorists will by Feb next year begin using the Nairobi Expressway in what will be a big relief to unending traffic snarl-ups that have in recent months characterized Mombasa road.”
Thirty words. Too long for a broadcast intro. You’ll see why in a bit.
Hear another: “Road users will pay between 100 shillings and 1000 shillings to use the road even as the government works round the clock to decongest the city.”
Twenty-six words. We’ll not fight with the “government working round the clock” cliché. Listen, rather, to the reporter on the scene, Vivianne Wandera:
“In keep up with the ongoing construction of the Nairobi Expressway, the [inaudible] officials led by Transport Cabinet Secretary Dr James Macharia today inspected the Northern Corridor projects, spanning Athi River-Machakos turnoff, which terminated at the James Gichuru junction to Rironi.”
Forty-one words. Too wordy. Too complex for audiences to process quickly.
Did everyone in the news production chain at KTN that day forget the rules of thumb on how to tell stories for broadcast? Here, some five basics when writing for the eye and the ear.
Rule 1: Keep it simple. Nothing is simple in any of the above.
Rule 2: Keep it short. Wandera even outdid print intros. Remember that a radio listener or TV viewer can’t go back to re-read a sentence. You lose them only once.
Rule 3: Keep it conversational. Write like you speak: Write in your own voice, in a conversational tone, as if you’re speaking to only one listener. Both the anchor in KTN studio and the reporter in the field spoke haltingly, frequently catching their breath. They were not speaking to the audience. They left no doubt that they were reading a script out loud.
Rule 4: Use one main idea per sentence. How many ideas are in Wandera’s 41-word intro alone?
Rule 5: Leave out unnecessary detail. Every sentence in the KTN broadcast creaked with detail.
Forward to October 9. Radio Citizen in its 11 am Kiswahili news summary announced new board chairpersons appointed by President Uhuru Kenyatta.
Former Attorney General Githu Muigai is appointed non-executive chairperson of the Council of Legal Education “kwa kipindi cha miaka mitatu,” Citizen said.
KANU secretary general Nick Salat has been appointed chairperson of the Agricultural Development Corporation board “kwa kipindi cha miaka mitatu.”
Journalist Kathleen Openda will be chairperson of Kenya Institute of Mass Communication Council “kwa kipindi cha miaka mitatu.”
And Andrew Musangi will chair the Public Procurement Regulatory board “kwa kipindi cha miaka mitatu.”
Radio Citizen editors couldn’t figure out how to write the repetitive “kwa kipindi cha miaka mitatu” only once?
