The National Moral Cop Ezekiel Mutua would have blown a fuse. It was not yet 10 O’clock in the morning. And a television show was live with talking heads blabbering about content – if you could call it content – whose audience’s age bracket shouldn’t be awake after 10 O’clock at night, when this kind of talk should do no harm, Kenya’s film ethics czar, Ezekiel, would tell you.
The K24 Afajiri show, “E-Interactive,” with hosts Mung’ala Mbuvi, Shiko Kaittany and online comedian Faiza Hamed aka Hijabi Villain was going full blast last Thursday, December 3. Topic? Condoms (nothing wrong with condoms). Used condoms (looking for an emoji). Man finds used condoms under matrimonial bed (ah, ah)!
Wacha tuichambue hii maneno. That’s Kenyan-speak for analysis.
Just to be sure, we’re watching a TV analysis about used condoms under a matrimonial bed. Never mind what value a viewer should hope to pull out of this. Let’s just tune in.
A man came home and found used condoms under his bed, we’re told. What’s the first thing that hits your mind? Mbuvi and Kaittany go at it. The wife is cheating, right at home, they agree.
Kwanza, what’s a man looking under a bed for? Kaitanny asks rhetorically. He doesn’t clean the house, so why would he be looking under the bed? Why is he even home at this hour — we don’t know what hour it is, but apparently a man should not be in his home at some hours!
Mbuvi is busy arranging his face for shock. His mouth is dramatically open, no words coming out of it. Kaitanny laughs.
Then, Faiza chimes with a coy nyinyi-watu-let-me-tell-you voice. “This man is trying to get rid of his wife.”
Bam! Who thought about that! The man planted used condoms under his own matrimonial bed for a reason, Faiza argues with herself. He wants his wife out.
Mbuvi finds his voice. “What, do you know how hard it is to break up with a Kenyan chick? Kwanza wasichana wa SDA!”
If you hadn’t already, now you really start scratching your head. Cheap innuendoes and stereotyping is now fair game on TV? What in the world is this show about? Who are these people? Are we still watching TV? At 9:38 in the morning?
Your brain is still sorting what the ears just heard about wasichana wa SDA on live TV when Kaitanny helpfully tries to change the topic with news update.
There has been a rhino boom somewhere, Kaittany announces in an even, professional tone. A mother rhino gave birth to multiple calves….
“They’re definitely not using condoms!” Mbuvi butts in.
And off the rails we go again. A side bar with live WhatsApp chat drops down to the left of the screen. You look at it and realize that an army of people barely out of teen age have been trolling the show.
Random posts stream in. “Hii show iko na fire” A fire emoji inserted. “This is hot … Hijabi ako chonjo!”
And before you know it, viewers are hitting on hosts. The show hosts are blushing. Mbuvi is still stuck on condoms. And wasichana wa SDA. The ladies are blushing at his every word.
It’s now plain bar talk — except with an audience that has barely outgrown lollypop.
But Mbuvi is on a roll. Your brain is still racing to sort and contextualise words coming out his mouth:
“Unani affect.” (If you haven’t heard that trending hashtag, you’re old. This show is not for you.) “Nimeona madame wa SDA wamekuja hapo wengi!
The clock hits the top of the hour. Show hosts sign off.
Ok, what was that? Why exactly are we enabling, on a morning TV show, an audience with raving hormones? Ndiyo nini ifanyike?
That was mainstreaming ushenzi. And that’s how you raise a generation of anything goes. Somebody please don’t tell Ezekiel.
