The Standard’s big story on Sunday, November 17, was a fine example of competent news writing. The headline story, “Uhuru sends Ruto back to the drawing board,” had the stamp of experienced reporters on it. Beginners take note.
It was about President Kenyatta’s meeting last Friday with Mt Kenya leaders at the Sagana State Lodge.
First, the November 17 story by Wainaina Ndung’u and Roselyne Obala got to the heart of the matter quickly and without fanfare.
About elected leaders in the President’s own backyard who are perceived to be opposing him, the story determined up in paragraph two:
“A tactful Kenyatta team had taken the wind out of their sails — carefully choosing who spoke, methodically demolishing their grievances, telling them to their face that they had forsaken the people, and promising to take it up with the masses in upcoming county rallies.”
The rest of the 27-paragraph story, like a good piece of newswriting should, fleshed out that paragraph, showing the reader what happened, with supporting quotes, from multiple sources on the matter.
Second, good news writing should have a punchy, relevant quote high up in the story. This came in the fifth paragraph from Nairobi lawyer Ahmednasir Abdullahi:
“[Kenyatta’s] address was measured, wise, calculated and progressive. He gave something to everyone and pivoted to the epicentre, politically. He lowered the temperature considerably and emerged as the quintessential statesman.”
One might doubt the credibility of such a quote. It’s too well-crafted, structurally and all. People rarely talk like that. But this was Ahmednasir, the eloquent senior counsel. So, the quote is believable.
Thereafter, reactions from the two factions of Jubilee: Tangatanga and Kieleweke.
Tangatanga MPs, who coalesce around Deputy President William Ruto in their opposition to the President’s dalliance with Raila Odinga, left Sagana and went into a debrief session at the home of Mathira MP Rigathi Gachagua, the story said. This picture gave sharp credence to the story’s headline, particularly the online edition: “… Ruto’s allies back to the drawing board.”
At this point, the reader is crying to be a fly on the wall at Gachagua’s home. What went down there? And the story does not disappoint.
Th bvn e voice of Gatundu South MP Moses Kuria, known for his barbed-wire quotes, came first: “I regret attending it. It was a waste of time and nothing was achieved. It was choreographed to achieve the organisers’ intentions.”
Kuria described Sagana as a well-choreographed circus.
The story quoted him further: “Which unity are we talking about? I flew from Nairobi on a chopper. When I got to Sagana I was shown where to sit on the grass in the sun as if one needs to be shown where to sit in an open space. The meeting flopped.”
In the business of news writing, they say that a skilfully crafted story is like an inverted pyramid, placing the most important elements at the top and the least at the bottom. Then, within the big pyramid, minor pyramids are carefully woven.
That Kuria quote, a summary of sentiments at Tangatanga’s debrief session, was the top of a minor pyramid. Because what followed was a line of Kuria’s colleagues fleshing out his summary.
The voices of a wide spectrum of Mt Kenya leaders should have been heard and this did not happen, complained the host, Gachagua. It was a Kieleweke meeting, said Bahati MP Kimani Ngunjiri.
To support the grievances of Team Tangatanga, the story returned to Sagana to show a display of bad chemistry between the President and these MPs.
The story observed that when the President disembarked from his helicopter, he had a “hearty handshake with Nyeri Governor Mutahi Kahiga and Kieni MP Kanini Kega,” both in his Kieleweke faction of the party. But the handshake with Gachangua, who would host Tangatanga, was “noticeably shaky and rushed,” the story said.
In Sagana, Kuria, Tigania West MP John Mutunga and Igembe North MP Maoka Maore arrived late, after the President. But while Kuria and Mutunga of Tangatanga were denied access to the VIP podium, Maore of Kieleweke was rushed through the red carpet to the podium, the story said.
Then, the story pivoted to the views of Kieleweke MPs.
A group photo from Sagana was doing the rounds on Kieleweke team’s social media with an identical caption, that Sagana was good and the region was united, the story said. Quotes from this faction spoke of national healing and trumpeted the Building Bridges Initiative, the product of Odinga and Kenyatta’s handshake and genesis of the prevailing discord.
When the reporting was done, the story just stopped. No editorialising. And that, folks, is how to write a good news story.
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On November 17 the Star ran a story with this headline: “Uhuru, CSs defy Kinyua, name state officers to plum parastatal jobs.” That was misleading. Head of Public Service Joseph Kinyua is a presidential appointee. The President does not “defy” his appointees. The latter serve at the pleasure of the President. “Uhuru overrules Kinyua” would be a more accurate headline.
