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KBC, the world’s reading

“Kenya’s watching”. That’s KBC Channel One’s slogan. But the great people at Broadcasting House on Harry Thuku Road don’t seem to be aware that the world reads their tweets. Those tweets could make your day, especially if you are stuck in Nairobi’s floods. Here are some from a single news bulletin last week:

Ordinarily, people who keep goats and sheep as a source of livelihood are called herders. Or pastoralists. The Samburu are an excellent example, as the entire world knows. But not KBC’s Channel One, as in this tweet:

“Farmers in Samburu have benefited from a free immunization exercise targeting mainly goats and sheep. #KBCLunchTimeNews.”

What is the meaning of this tweet? “The number of people diagnosed with cancer has doubled in the last five years with a majority of the cancer cases going without being diagnosed. #KBCLUnchTimeNews”.

If, indeed, the majority of cases have not been diagnosed, how can anyone possibly conclude that the number of people diagnosed with the disease has doubled in the last five years? And how, pray, can the majority of cancer cases that have not been diagnosed be listed as “cancer cases” in the first place?

Ok, some history here. What is the name of the liberation movement Jomo Kenyatta is associated with? KBC just discovered a new one.

“Cuba honors Kenya’s founding father Mzee Jomo Kenyatta as a towering figure in African and Caribbean Liberation Movement #KBCLunchTimeNews.”

Hundreds of traders in Kilifi County are in trouble. But what exactly is the problem?

“Over 500 traders in Mtwapa, Kilifi County, are living in fear of eviction by a private developer who had offered them an alternative site after they were evicted by the Kenya National Highways Authority #KBCLunchTimeNews.”

The rains came. First, in quiet showers that quenched the earth’s thirst. And then they poured, causing furious floods that swept away anything on their path. The government responded thus, according to KBC:

“The government plans to use April long rain to experiment water harvesting techniques to cushion Kenyans against frequency water shortage #KBCLunchTimeNews.”

Oops!

And finally, to Business News:

“Bulemi: We have over time helped start up Saccos to run and kick off #KBCLunchTimeNews.”

We hope nobody is selling illicit brews behind Broadcasting House!

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